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Monday, 19 July 2010
 yes.i feel like im sinking underwater.slowly by the minute. suffocating.trying my hardest to grasp for air. shouting at the top of my voice. hoping that a hand would reach out, and grab me from the icy cold. i have almost given up hope. considering to sink.sink deeper into the silent blue,which might hopefully give me some peace. sometimes i really love how the water gives you a sense of silence. a silence that shuts you out from the world. it allows you to be, at a place where you cant hear,all the rubbish that people throw at you. how i wish i can be like percy,finding a common place at the bottom of the waters. thinking about nothing.nothing at all. i have never been in so much stress in my whole life. i just need some medium for me to release my stress,even if its just for a slight moment. its just too much for me.i have to say im someone who can handle stress.n still work well in it. but theres always a limit to a person's capabilities. even a superhero needs a rest once in a while. all i hope for now is relief. relief from these craze,a release from this torment im having. just someone who can tell me,its going to be alright. someone who can say it,well enough for me to believe. mistakened identity jiasylvia i want to find my happy place. |
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Saturday, 12 June 2010
 "I am inhabited by a cry. Nightly it flaps out Looking, with its hooks, for something to love. I am terrified by this dark thing That sleeps in me; All day I feel its soft, feathery turnings, its malignity." Sylvia Plath |
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Monday, 17 May 2010
 i need minho to cheer up my day.ease my problems.WOW.time is ridiculously fast. i cant believe the figure 18 is coming alr..!!!!!in a matter of about less than 48 hrs. how i wish i can stay 17 4ever. i feel so old saying that im 18... ya i noe u will say im weird..watsoever.but tts how i feel. been facing some problems, or rather alot with friendship. n its not as easy as saying im done,means im done. its not one of those unimportant phrases in life that i can just let go of without feeling something. but im just way too tired to think of it now. too much has been going on in my life. im not going to bother abt tt issue anymore. i guess e other party would have to make the effort to salvage it. or just freaking do something to show tt she's not tt ignorant. or else, seriously, i think im done...... as much as i don wanna say this. cos i don like growing old. but ppl been asking me what i want for birthday. thanks for asking guys.. but anything is fine!(:really.its e thought tt counts just DON'T GIVE ME SOFT TOYS! N NO DORAEMONS!!!seriously. i have no space for soft toys, n its gonna collect dust. n I DON WAN ANYMORE DORAEMONS. don get me wrong.i love tt robot cat.its my favourite cartoon of all time. but its not something tt i would wan to receive for birthday anymore. i had enuf of it. so ya... if u really donno what to get me. im really in need of/or i really really want: 1) SHINee items.!(esp tt clock from comic connection) 2) ONTO headphones 3) Earpiece(designed ones) 4) Accessories(bracelets,necklaces,ear studs...ya..practically any accessories) 5) Wallet 6) Sunglasses(im like sunglass fanatic now) 7) NUM black havanias ya..just about there.theres too many things tt i want..i guess most of those things i would have to buy myself.unless some kind hearted soul wishes to help me foot the bill. thanks to those who alr wished me. (which is really fast!) n may all my problems get erased with time. mistakened identity jiasylvia boldness be my friend. |
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Saturday, 8 May 2010
 imperfection is beauty madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than ridiculously boring. theres so many negative things tt i want to say out loud now. but i feel this aint e right time to burst out my displeasure. its funny how sometimes when u already make it so obvious but individuals still donno u r pissed at them if u r going to ask me out n start coming up w a conversation w another person n exclude me than whats e fucking point of asking me out. if u have so many things to talk about yr sch.yr course.yr ridiculously non-entertaining life. than just go ranting on to who ever might b a willing audience. seriously i don even noe how i put up w all yr nonsense for so long i should have been clever n discover it when e problem surfaced. apparently it took me this long. this is e furthest i want to go. becos theres no point in expanding on. n i can already forsee that u don even noe im talking abt u. i had to explain to ppl when they think u were just faking it. now im starting to doubt whether i should have done so. mistakened identity jiasylvia u dont know me at all. u know nothing.absolute nothing. |
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Thursday, 15 April 2010
       e movie marathon w hx n jo was awesome on tues(:watched 'date night' and 'clash of titans' in 3D. date night was hilarious.!!!(: it turned out so much better.exceeding my expectations. i thought its just another one of those harmless comedies. but it was so many brilliant things added together.(: clash of titans was great too.! but i guess 3D wasnt quite worthwhile it.. ohh well..... but at least the story line still survived. i so wanna dye my hair.. but im fucking broke.. hopefully my bro would sponsor me..n i can get it done this week. just right b4 sch starts!!!!): ya sch starting is just bummer.! its even more non-anticipating with my hatred IT module in this sem. n e driving-me-nuts timetable.!): the world is just so unfair.! i cant believe tt attachments are on weds.!): on my training day!!!!! atrocious! n im changing centre...everyone's changing centre. i miss e kids at MFS!!!): went there 4 like probably e last time 2dae.!!!! took a couple of pictures with them!! but its just 4ever not enough.! hope they don 4get me.....!!!!!! happy belated bdae to sa'adiah!(:hope u like e cakes n happy 6th to the lovely emilee! mistakened identity jiasylvia its terrifying how fast jay chou's tickets were sold.! ):how i wish i had e money to go watch it!!!!!!! n i want a black havanias..so badly! "dreams do come true if you keep believing in yourself. anything is possible." ya..ya right..! sometimes i really hope i can think so positively. maybe i would be happier in life. but thanks for all the compliments. it really helps a lot. im starting to feel a little better about myself now. hopefully my thoughts get more positive day by day! |
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Sunday, 4 April 2010
 argh!!!i need to move!!! exercise...swim!!!yes.swimming.something i haven done in 2 weeks or so.. getting on my nerves now. super uncomfortable not exercising. i need to stretch my muscles. they feel super stiff. sometimes i really hate being a girl. having those time of the months. ): ok...im like rushing this out now. cos its turning 12 in 10 mins. just really wanna wish SIQIN n JERIAN happy birthday 2 u both! happy 19th siqin!(: hope everything goes well for yr medical sch interview! n jerian. although we haven been talking in A WHILE. but hey...its cool tt both my cousin's bdae falls on e same day. ermm well...yr my "cousin" in a way.tecnically. im not tt old 2 b an aunty when im just 17. n also to those out there whom i noe is turning a yr old 2dae.! i noe theres many of u..!(: april 4th seems like a really popular date! (: smiles all people and enjoy this special day! mistakened identity jiasylvia life moves pretty fast. if you don't stop and look once in a while. you could miss it. |
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Wednesday, 31 March 2010
 waiting is a trap there will always be reasons to wait the truth is.... there are only two things in life. reasons and excuses. |
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 i honestly donno wth did i get myself into.. it still feels like i dug a hole and jumped in by myself. without anyone forcing me. why am i taking a vacation module when i could be having a jolly well time holidaying.? ya.i noe.u must be wondering.stupid right? although e lecturer's cool,funny and super chatty(a little too chatty if u ask me) but i just feel so distracted w e laptop right in front of me. n it doesnt help when its all about business theories tt sound totally alien to me. there's so many movies that i wanna watch b4 sch officially starts. actually now it feels like it already started. ok this post is utter random. i just needed to write something while doing my hw.(ya from tt darn course) ps. in case u realised. my blogskin is back 2 e old one. cos e suju one is just too plain. n i donno how e hell to edit e archives n stuffs. hopefully i can find a nicer one b4 sem starts. n add on all e things needed with e help of kind hearted souls!(: mistakened identity jiasylvia believe that everything happens for a reason people change so that you can learn to let go things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they're right you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself sometimes good things fall apart so that good things can fall together |
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Friday, 26 March 2010
  i was going on halfway on a super negative post. then some1 popped a good news to me.. tt totally changed e situation. until...i went to take a look at my timetable for e new sem!!!! WTF.!major crisis i honestly feel like killing myself right now. mon ends at 1....1 O'CLOCK! my training starts at 6... which means i have to go home.n come back again. HAHAHA.JUST HOW NICE IS TT!!!!! n guess what? to make tt worse. attachments r on weds now.! which means what again..?go attachment then go training.?! r they trying to torture me.!!!!!! this sem's alr looks hellish. so not anticipating it. n sch kinda starts next week 4 me alr. with e business course.gosh.. why is my life so difficult.! on e verge to burst out in angry tears now.! darn darn darn darn darn not only that. im super broke after buying show's concert tickets. n now e 3d album is out. i have to get it.! e shorts at cotton on sale is screaming out at me too.!!! arghh!!!!why cant i be rich?! mistakened identity jiasylvia....cant stand it!!!!IM IN LOVE WITH 2AM! ok..random..but im so angry tt comics connection is simply daylight robbery.! but....e korean stuffs just looks so nice.!esp all e boy bands.... there r all gonna be on my wishlist for this yrs bdae!!!(: hopefully some kind hearted souls would get them for me!!!! there's so many movies i wanna catch! like lovely bones,clash of titans,when in rome n maybe even wimpy kid.(:(i bought e book actually...i noe its a kids book...but it was too freaking cute!!) remember me was alright..not great.but still ok. it was horrible mostly cos there were no subs. n cassandra was having an even harder time trying 2 catch what they were saying. she decided to give up n take a nap instead. when i realised.she alr missed like 15 mins or so... ROFL.should have just watched lovely bones or something. ARGHH.my eyes feels heavy after crying while watching cruel temptation. n it definitely proves tt ive got feelings. so ppl.stop saying im unfeeling again! |
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Friday, 19 March 2010
        1st post in march.! just got my results 2dae... i thought i fared quite alright(: at least quite an improvement from last sem!! hope i can get at least 3.7 next sem! JIAYOU! managed to meet up w rach.c,hx,jo n ht ystd to go bottle tree park! but unfortunately e weather was not on our side... it was raining e whole entire day,n we totally wasted our time going all e way to khatib. which calls for plan b! early dinner at breeks followed by bowling n pool at marina square. breeks....e smoked salmon pasta...totally not to my liking. way too salty.not enough flavour. n according 2 e others e fishnchips taste weird. donno what happened 2 their standards since e last time i ate. it was my 1st time playing pool.n i donno what e heck i was doing.. but @ least i gave it a try.(: but i don think i would be going back 2 it soon...unless some pro teach me.. overall its still enjoyable..i guess...looking pass e rain.. from e moment i got home.which was alr 10 plus.going on 11. i started a war w sistic online. n luckily.i managed to get tickets for show luo's concert!!!yea!(: im so elated!!!!!!(:(: thanks to sis who helped me purchase my tickets~! n i got autograph from xiao gui!! he looked really cool in his unique outfit on stage! n he was so friendly eventhough he was tired! warmth was all we could feel! heard tt minho's injured.during filming of dream team. really hope he gets well soon! FIGHTING! mistakened identity jiasylvia i really want things to go back to how it used to be. but its not in my power to change anything. unless u r willing to help me. |
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Friday, 26 February 2010
          cny's over. holidays r here.finally. wanna get a job.but c seem to find something really decent enough. its either not paying enuf.or it comes with horrendous requirements. was out job hunting w liling 2dae. went to check out a few places.everywhere was looking 4 full-time stuff. darn.how i wish i could work full. e most waste of time was lerkthai... only paying 5 per hr.n have to get a jab 2gether w it. n it doesnt even look good when e manager looks like a goldfish with exploding eyeballs. when i got out of e rest,i was like, no way.no way am i doing tt shit job. i might as well as go work at some bugis street shop.at least it doesnt involve so much phy work. so in e end.we both didnt get a job. not tt i was disappointed.sorta predicted it. might try out cotton on in march. hope i can get it....(: speaking abt job hunting.i tried out frolick.this yogurt ice cream shop at cine. really fab!(:in case u donno.yogurt ice cream is like my fave now. without noeing.i actually ate berrylite,yoguru and frolick all in one wk. im gonna add on w yami 2 make it 4.!ha really hope i get in e FOC camp..(: n the business course. although in e 1st place i aint even sure why im going into e course. but ya.getting in would be awesome.!(: hope i get a good job soon!preferrably cotton on!.. i really need the cash.! theres just too many things to buy. n money would never be sufficient. call me greedy. but may there always be...endless amt of cash! mistakened identity jiasylvia donno why. no matter how many times i watch andrew johnson on brit's got talent. i feel like crying. can youtube stop banning accts n provide me w korean entertainment. who cares abt copyright man.! theres piracy everywhere...!!! craving seoul garden so badly! n who wants to watch percy jackson?! i have no idea why everyone is just so against it....! |
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Monday, 15 February 2010
just popped one van houten chocolate. darn.so sinful.!!!! i just gained some weight over this festive season... its so hard not to eat those new year goodies... especially when most of them only appear once a year. happy cny n oso valentine's day to all..!!! although it doesnt feel like cny at all... especially when it falls on a sun. n with an exam coming up on fri... cny is just like every year. but i didnt get to c some relatives.who went off earlier then me. starting to forget how the hell they look like. i say happy new year to ppl whom i don think i would even recognize on the streets. its pathetic.saying that i noe these ppl.but at the same time not knowing them. going for cny greetings is so different at different scenes. one moment im comfortable. when another im just standing there,looking awkward.donno wth im supposed to do... im lost at what to do with the situation. i want to do something,anything.so that it could be better. but i have no idea.what am i suppose to do in my power.to change it. mistakened identity jiasylvia. i've started to laugh about our misfortunes. because i couldnt find somebody, somebody to weep with me.... i was foolish enough to think that things would be different this year. hoping that the silence could be broken. sometimes i really think that im the only one who bother. that you don even give a darn about the situation. sometimes i would really wanna noe the truth. but im scared that the truth is going to break me up in pieces. yes.call me sentimental. but memories are a huge part of me.it means everything. no matter when or where some things happened. as long as it involved ppl that i care about. its valuable to me.its something that i hold on with dear life so as never to forget. it's been starting to blur.n ive been hoping to create new memories with u that i can hold on to. i want us back.back to the days when we were happy. bizzare thoughts just kept running through my head.... ,,i noe by e look of things that it ain't gonna be possible.... how is it possible to make myself put in the effort. when u just stand there.looking like you don care. i cry sometimes thinking about it. i tried..i tried so hard to fight back those tears. i think im foolish.i think its pathetic. but i cant help it. i don even noe if i should be crying. but emotions got the better of me. with all of my heart.,i hope that u would take notice. how much it matters to me. that we are no longer, how we used to be. |
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Saturday, 6 February 2010
 im still working on the evaluation essay now. ive been redoing again and again. backspacing countless times. no matter how many times i rephrase my sentences i still think it doesnt look right one way or another. or at least it doesnt look right enough to help me maintain my A+ im so wired out this few days everyday went by with lesser and lesser sleep. im starting to live the life of a vampire how i wish i don need to sleep,eat and be ravishing beautiful... tts if food doesnt come in the form of red,vomiting blood. i just feel like 24 hours is never enough. there's just so many things to do.... like now.im writing this blog just so i don fall asleep. my lids were half close for half of the time during lesson today and i feel horrible all over. right from my head till e tip of my toes n it doesnt help when the fucking hairdresser messed up my hair i was feeling super pissed when i came back home right after. n e fucking asshole at home just have to rub salt onto my wound. n there goes another world war 2 of censored language when u donno anything. just keep your mouth shut nobody is gonna call u mute just cause u shut up for tt moment. theres always those fucking irritating moments at home tt i have to go through. practically everyday sometimes im freaking sick of it. but tts how life will always be. bcos generation gap would never disappear. n the lack of communication would always stay i guess e only happening thing that happened recently was the AGM 2010 ystd it was cool.n i enjoyed myself being in the dance group. fun experience....(: although for half the time i was freezing like hell in the theatre the dance went by so fast.i didnt even realise when it ended. got my 123 cert.really wanna get done with bm fast.! n how i hope i can get that windbreaker!!!!! i guess it does somehow or rather build up some belonging. bcos now although i think im starting to know more ppl. but theres still lots of ppl i have yet to know. n i wish i would be able to in this year. (: mistakened identity jiasylvia it would have been perfect. if someone wasnt so big mouth to broadcast it to the world. |
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Sunday, 31 January 2010
   SHINee!!ya..don even try to talk about it... im just in a very "minhoish" mood 2dae.. but of cos i expected a huge crowd. but 1000 over ppl at 3 am is just bonkers. these ppl are insane thru their brains. i wasnt really drilling on going. but jo kept talking abt it on msn.n made me felt so eager on it suddenly. but all tt eagerness was gone w e wind when i heard that thousands of ppl didnt get in... count those obsessers lucky.... now.im even more firm on going 4 luo zhi xiang's one.. bcos of e freaking no show this time.. rml. run my lunch made me sleep deprived. im blogging to keep myself awake. bcos i haven finish tt darn play assignment ok im lethargic.been procrastinating but i cant help it. when all the hell i can think abt is shopping. n more shopping. didnt really sleep well in tt short afternoon nap i had. my lids are closing.have to avoid slow going songs on my lappie thinking of the early wakeup 2mr makes me wanna puke. or just shout FUCK right in e air. or find a nice punch bag tt wont get back at me. don mistaken. i really love those kids. its just im way too tired now to care abt any shit i actually dreamt abt my last day at attachment i woke up crying. i donno why,but i think i miss those devil angels more than i think i ever would. gosh.im getting emotional now. sheesh. pause.get back on track. put on a smile and get some goodie bags for them hope they would rmb me!!!!!! who wants to watch"to kill a mockingbird"???? by play factory productions held at drama centre theatre!! pls.some1 just say yes. mistakened identity jiasylvia never say goodbye because saying goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting |
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Thursday, 21 January 2010
 yes..this is exactly how i feel now. anger n frustration. n my stomach fucking hurts now. stupid few days of e month. my mood is grumpy,with a hint of extreme vulgarities. with my darn father yakking crap at e side is just fucking irritating. n there goes e outburst from me. ya.thats e usual scenario tt happens everyday. vulgarities flying in e air. after tt survey we had 2 do during play. it just further emphasize how unclose i am with my dad. n i find it so totally unbelievable when i heard ppl saying they r closer to their dads. tt kinda scene is never gonna happen to me. nvm.4get abt tt family scene. e briefing for rml marathon on tues was total waste of time. i just wasted 1 hr..n all i knew was im doing route marshall. tts all.i don even noe which sector im freaking in. i was just darn pissed off during the whole process. n fucking hell missed the bus back home bcos those idiots didnt wanna move in. my mood hasnt really been good lately. n now its just bad. im just confused w everything going on. n i just wan my hols to come soon. yes i noe im gonna survive somehow. but e process aint gonna be all smiles.... mistakened identity jiasylvia i really need that pill the pain is KILLING ME! |
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Monday, 18 January 2010
   ok..thought it was time to finally change the blogskin.cos i was just too bored over the previous one. no wonder i didnt even have e mood to update anything. serached high n low,and found this one which i thought was e best alr. blogskins website is getting rather ridiculous..or is it cos i set too high a standard? anw im just too plain blanked out now to edit e things... would ask a pro to help me do nice nice after e assignments come to an end. i seriously need to learn all abt blog editing.. but too be clear.im not interested in anything else on IT.it just freaks me out. theres just so many things i haven done. not talking in assignments terms. but for cny. i need to get a brand new outfit.new colour contacts,which i haven decided which colour new makeup,..... cny is like a whole big deal for me. even if its only one day. i have to be at my best. so i def have to spare sometime out to shop....!!! i wanna watch JUMP! n i have totally given up on gossip girl.. mistakened identity jiasylvia sorry if this blog is gonna be shiity for some time...bare with it ppl. |
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Friday, 15 January 2010
  yes yes, i noe its alr well into yr 2010... n seriously, i meant to write on the meaningful 31st dec 09, but i found myself just too plain lazy. i noe theres ppl reading my blog n stuff. funny how come u guys still have hope for a rather dead blog. but here i am..reviving yr hopes once in a while. ok...its 2010. im 18....like wtfh.but i wont admit im 18 till tt faithful day comes... tt faithful day that finally makes me legal.. not tt i care abt e clubbing scene. e past yr has been...should i say...rather meaningless,and "unfeeling" for me... if u ask me..how has e past yr been..i gotta say..i cant rmb. it just all happened..before i had e time to react. beginning of e yr.i was still a sec 4 blockhead.reminiscing e days of uniform.n camps filled with frustration, but enjoyment. in the middle, i was still trying to find a place tt i can fit in. trying to make friends.trying to make myself comfortable. frankly speaking.it was hell diff.especially when im tt kinda person tt can dislike some1.. becos of no specific reason.mayb i just don like yr face. even till e end of e year...i wasnt even sure if i was happy, with what i was doing.. with my life.with how i was spending it..... i joined the lifeguards corp. starting off.i wasnt even planning for it.it just happened. it was horrid right from e start.esp tt memorable bonding camp which left mi n mich stranded. i thought 2 myself.hell no!im never gonna bond w these ppl. but fortunately things aint tt bad now. i cant say i noe every1.,cos i seriously don.but at least e situation was so much better after kusu. after going through a touching n rather tearful reflection session in class. it got me thinking. there were many things that i truly miss. n everyday i hope that i can get it back. but i have no idea how.what to do.to get it back. its just this regret right inside me.that still feels so heavy till this day. i hope something would happen this year.to change e situation it might just be a baby step.but it is still a step. we cant all avoid each other forever,can we.? many things happened. nothing to special that made me happy. nothing in particular that i would want to keep in my happy memories but there are definitely a lot of things that i hope i can 4get. or throw away. those memories that would only bring harm.no good. hasnt any1 felt confused abt their self-identity? i do. sometimes i felt like i have changed. like im different from who i used to be. i can feel it.but im not sure if e change is good. or should i be going back to e old me. so all i want this year is simple. i just want to be happy.really happy. live life to the fullest. enjoy myself every minute in any ways possible. start things afresh.on a brand new page. jiasylvia mistakened identity sometimes i wonder. why |
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Sunday, 27 December 2009
 爱情对女生来说， 就像是在捡石头。 在爱情的路上， 我们每一个人， 都在找一颗适合自己的石头。 有时候会觉得好像找到了， 可是心里面又会想着， 是不是后面还会有一颗 更好的石头。 虽然我现在还不知道 我要用什么方法 才能找到一颗适合我的石头 可是我很清楚的知道， 哪些石头不会是我想要的。。。。 mistakened identity jiasylvia |
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Thursday, 19 November 2009
 eeyore fanatics!!!!!  jun rong's stoot hand in my face!       haven been blogging for nearly a month..so decided tt mayb i should just write something down during this one week short break. been so lazy to even pen down my thoughts nowadays.... seriously considering whether i should permanently take down my blog. for good.... life just goes by so fast everyday, its hard to keep track of where u have been, or who u have been w... my life isnt all tt exciting.. went SAM with some classmates. cos of sch stuff.. thought it was quite interesting.always been quite a fan of museums since young.(: some more this time it was free! n by coincidence, caught 戴阳天 filming the new channel 8 blockbuster "当我们同在一起” managed to catch my sisters keeper with the others. didnt cry..as usual.mayb im just not sentimental. but e weird thing is....i cried while watching the 30 sec trailer.. weird huh.... everyone went teary, except for me n shimin.as per usual. n one girl was going breathless in the cinema...i guess she cried too hard...hushh!relax! oh n!!!!of cos...the kusu trip with the lifeguards corp. it was cool.n it was really fun.. got to know more of the ppl there.. 1st time going kusu too.. the island itself is kinda small..n boring actually.. hahas.... but overall it was a great experience...although my sore throat did worsen after tt.... it was worth missing halloween horrors for tt..(: hope tt next yr can go successfully!!! n mayb w raco and her free pass!(: i think life's becoming such a routine its boring.. sch, training, piano,projects, assignments, sch, training,........ where is my shopping?! WHERE ARE MY HOLIDAYS!? when is christmas coming!? soo loving the sunglasses and sunhat from DOLLY MAG! (: it was def a great decision to buy it living life one step at a time mistakened identity jiasylvia so giving up on gossip girl. its getting boring. just like my life. god, i need some entertainment. cant wait for new moon!!!!! taylor lautner!!!!! he's hotter then rob pat!!! |
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